He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
