At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
