'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
