He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Found your dick twin last night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
