so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
