i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize