I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
