i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
