drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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