help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
