Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
