I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
