Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
