You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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