can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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