in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
