Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
