I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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