Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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