Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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