Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
