I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
