Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
