Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
