If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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