does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
