Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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