went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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