Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
