My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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