Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
