Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize