What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
