Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
