apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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