yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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