I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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