Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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