tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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