i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
