aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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