I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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