Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
