the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
