They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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