We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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