I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
