My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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