im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
