I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
