K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
