Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
