Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize