just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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