ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
