is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
