do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize