Sry I called you an 8
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
