there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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