you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
