So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
