My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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