I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize