DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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