ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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