I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize