we're chasing vodka with high fives
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up under a house in Key West
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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