apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
