sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
