last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
