my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
