I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
