Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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