Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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