Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
