You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
