Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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