dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize