Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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