remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
