Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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